Mmm…cake!

Although slightly better, I still spent the day in bed. I cannot seem to escape this dang headache though thankfully the new medicine keeps it at bay for a few hours. As soon as it wears off though, it creep back in. Ugh. It seriously sucks. 

I went to bed feeling pretty good LAST night but woke up every 4 hours, presumably when the medicine wore off, in tears and unable to sleep until the medicine kicked in. There’s been a lot of prayers for relief and thankfully God has been answering them with quick relief of the medicine kicking in.  This morning was rough but the medicine allowed me to make it through my draining without issue – another 600 ml there.

My husband made me chicken noodle soup – Ms Gras – which I can’t give up. Every time I have a cold or don’t feel well, that is my go-to soup. I know, I know, it’s probably horrible for me and filled with sodium. It’s what my momma always gave us and I just love that golden nugget. 😉 Of course he knows that I like to cut the water in half-ish and eat with some saltines. It felt so so good to eat a meal again and I chowed down. Yummy!!

Unfortunately, my stomach wasn’t happy that I ate as much as I did and it came back up. Sigh. Well I tried, right? Back to bed to sleep that away.

I do have an appetite today though so I had Joe grab some bread and jam in the hopes of adding that to my repertoire of crackers and bananas. I have also been seeing commercial after commercial for this particular cake at the local grocery store and I couldn’t get that out of my head. One of my coworkers introduced me to the Chantilly Cake at Publix during a potluck a few years ago and my goodness, is it worth every calorie-ridden delicious bite!!

So for dinner tonight, that is what I enjoyed! And ohhh, was it magnificent. I only ate a little because I don’t want to upset my tummy and so far it’s settling in nicely. And frankly, with the way my appetite has been lately, I’m just glad to keep something down.

I hope everyone has had a wonderful week and has great plans for the weekend. Though I’ve spent the week in bed, I hope to regain some sense of normalcy, energy and no flipping headache pain this weekend. I also plan to ship out the Meghan’s Cross orders – yay!!!

Thank you kindly to everyone who has checked in on me and prayed for me this week. And to those that I owe a response to, I appreciate your patience and I’ll get to it as soon as I can. 💚

Keep spreading the love, my dear friends. Much love to all of you! 😘

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“My ‘noculars!”

I can’t stop looking at these pictures from school today – and I love my big hug before he headed there!

Jacob received his “noculars” as a Christmas gift from Grandma & Grandpa. They were a thoughtful gift to help Jacob find fish when out fishing. He absolutely loves them and hasn’t really put them down since Christmas. He likes to take them everywhere and will often bring them in the car and tell us what he sees through them, including mommy and daddy.

For the last week, Jacob has been asking to take them to school. Typically when he does this with a toy or book, we can talk him out of it because he doesn’t want to lose them at school. And we promise to bring them with us when we pick him up. With the binoculars though, he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He was so adamant that we asked the teachers if it was OK that he kept them with him. They happily agreed (oh gosh, I sure hope he is sharing!) and I don’t think he’s missed a single day of bringing them with him since.

He accidentally left them at school last night and was a bit distraught over not having them. When we explained that he would find them at daycare when he went, he was anxious to hop in the car and get there. I imagine he found them soon after arrival and didn’t take them off much afterwards. 

His school uploaded the pictures of him drawing on paper and then checking it out with his binoculars. I love it so much! They are helping him to embrace the use of his favorite toy and learn more about how he can use it. I love that he has such a wonderful imagination to go along with these binoculars and that his school helps him to foster that. I love that he loves a toy that has practical uses. I love that he enjoys his binoculars so much. I love everything about these pictures. 

I love that I see these pictures and it makes me take a step back in my own life. It’s easy to get caught in the thick of things and lost in the weeds. It’s hard to pull yourself out and find yourself & your purpose again. Feeling as badly as I have recently, I have been losing myself in those very weeds, focusing solely on the pain and discomfort. 

But there’s so much more to it. There’s all last week, which I am still not over emotionally. There is all of the incredible upcoming events and visits that are planned. There are the little things (that are actually quite big in the long run), that I want to incorporate into my everyday routine and have no excuse for why I keep pushing them out. There’s my purpose, my desire, that I want to focus on now, not later.

No, I can’t stop the way that I feel physically, but I can take a look through a different lens and see the things that I want to focus on. Things that I’ve been excited about but pushed aside because of the way that I have felt recently. 

It took Jacob and his noculars to remind me that I am in control of the lens that I use to see life through. It’s time to start using the one that helps me focus on what’s truly important. It’s time to switch my lens.

My room. 

I started thinking about new year’s resolutions a few weeks before 2016 ended. I had a few things in mind…not so much resolutions but things that I wanted to change in my life.  Time slipped by and these got away from me a bit. I kept meaning to implement these changes or make progress on them but it was never at the top of my list.  The last few days, I was reminded that time will always continue to pass. I will always find an excuse or a reason not to fit something in or to change priorities. If I don’t implement the goals that I want to see, then who will?  No more excuses.

I looked at my goals for 2016 and for the most part, I was successful in the things that I was able to control. Being re-diagnosed with Stage 4 doesn’t necessarily change my goals but it does change the perspective that I have when making them. A lot of things that popped in my head are changes that I’ve been wanting to make anyway and just haven’t gotten around to it. So wrapping them up with a pretty green bow and calling them 2017 Goals is the way I’m incorporating them into my life.  It is Chinese New Year today, after all! 😊

One of the goals that I set for us is my One Line a Day book. Another is sleeping routines.

I was gifted these books by two different ladies at the end of 2015. They are 5 year journals but you only write a few lines for each day. It’s usually something memorable that happened or something fun that we did. Or maybe we had a visitor or Jacob did something I never want to forget. I’m pretty good about keeping up with them, though sometimes I fall behind and I’m struggling to remember what funny or special thing happened a few days ago. Having a memory that is failing does not make this an easy task. One goal this year was to include Jacob in these entries each day. He’s talked about it before and I’ve asked him what to include but I wanted it to be something he looks forward to each night. Since it’s a new year, this time when we open the book to a new day, we have last years entry to read. It’s exciting to reminisce on what we did this day last year or where Jacob was developmentally. 

One of the comments that filled almost every day for the first week of the year was about Jacob sleeping in his own bed. Nap time, bed time – even sleeping through the night! My goodness, it was going so well last year – what happened?! Radiation in April/May, that’s what. Halfway through and I was too exhausted for middle of the night wake ups or hour-long (and then some) bedtimes. Coming into our bed in the early morning turned into halfway through the night, turned into barely an hour in, turned into “Bedtime, Jacob! Hop in between Momma & Dad-dad.” The rest is history. 

I love Jacob sleeping in our bed – I do! He is such a good snuggler, he hugs me for no reason and, well, there is nothing quite like waking up to his smiling face telling me good morning (“it’s not too dark!”). But he often wakes up before he should because Joe & I are getting ready for the day. Or he goes to bed too late because we are finishing something up before bed.  For those reasons and more, we felt like it was time to try his bed again. 

We have been talking about it with him a lot, especially when we were on the cruise and going home to his big-boy bed. But we haven’t made any actual attemps yet. So this afternoon when Joe asked him where he wanted to take a nap, we were both surprised that his answer was “my room”.

It took a while, a walk around his room, lots of snuggles and some singing but it happened. After some ninja moves to leave the room, we were shocked that he slept for his entire 2 hour nap in his bed. Dare we try bedtime too?!

Since Jacob was in my tummy, I have wanted to start reading him different book series at night. Many are books that I’ve been wanting to read and others are from my childhood. I visited a used book store at one point when he was only a few months old and bought treasures just for that. They have been patiently waiting in his closet since, for me to look at every time I opened the door.  

Hours before bed, we started to tell him about our new routine. We continued to prepare him all night. When his jammies were on and his teeth were brushed, we asked him where he was sleeping tonight, “my room”.

And so it began. We laid in his crib and I read the first chapter of Harry Potter to him. He was fidgety at first, rolled around a lot, talked to his animals as well as himself…and eventually fell asleep. I don’t know that he actually listened to the chapter at all but tonight was priceless to me. 

Eventually, I want to record myself reading to him but for now, we have completed the first of many nighttime readings that are still to come. 

Here’s to 2017 goals!

Haircut!

When little man was born, he had a head full of golden-red hair. We all joked about the color and how it seemed to turn a deeper red in the sun and I loved every strand of it. It fell out in the weeks following his birth and he spent the first year of his life with blonde whisps. Most people thought he was bald in pictures because of how little hair he had.

Soon after his 1st birthday, his hair started growing in a white blonde. Still thin, it continued to grow and seemed to become lighter over time.  Somewhere around the time he turned 18 months old, I was able to begin styling it. Sometimes we styled it upwards for crazy hair days but mostly I worked the curls in the back. He has not always loved having his hair brushed so I was nervous about the day we would cut it. I wanted to wait until he was 2, just because. We decided a few weeks ago it was time to cut it but ran out of time because of vacation. 

Today though, we ventured out. Googling a local kid specific shop, we walked in to find it filled with toys, tvs and even little cars for the kids to sit in. It was perfect! Jacob did amazing. He barely noticed that his hair was being trimmed as he turned the wheel of his car and shouted out the colors of the different cars. We asked him where he was driving to and he told us the beach and “wa-wa”!

It was over quickly and he trotted off to play with a train set. Looking like a true little man, I grabbed some of his hair and took the “first haircut” certificate while wiping tears from my eyes. Tonight, I will pick a picture to print and place with his certificate and put a lock of his hair in the keepsake we were gifted at his baby shower. A small milestone, yes, but one I will remember always.

Two?!

I’m reflecting on the last two years. On this day two years ago, my husband and I were checked into the hospital awaiting the arrival of this sweet boy. We watched him grow from a fragile newborn into a smiling, happy infant and now a daring, funny, curious toddler. This day last year, we were surrounded by family and friends celebrating his very 1st birthday. This year, he woke up to snuggles from us, his cousin, aunts and uncles. He has been loved so much from before he was born.

This boy has changed our lives in ways that I never imagined possible. He lights up our lives each and every day. Though it has not always been easy and I make mistakes daily, I wouldn’t change it for the world. There have been tears of happiness, joy, frustration and sadness. There have also been more smiles and laughter than I could ever have dreamed of having in my life. 

These two years have flown by. There have been a lot of firsts and I know there are many more of those to come. He loves cheese but not more than blueberries. He has a passion for water, the beach and boating that makes me grateful for this beautiful state we live in. He wakes up singing and has a knack and rhythm music like I’ve never seen. His love for reading seems to grow daily and his creativity shows through already. Still learning to speak, his vocabulary grows regularly and he does not hesitate to express his feelings towards an activity or food.

Above all of these things though, Jacob is a kind, loving, sweet boy that loves snuggles. Almost always happy, he brightens any room that he wanders into.

Happy birthday to my little man! Here’s to a generation full of laughter, snuggles and memories together with our family of three. 

These precious moments

This morning the alarm clock went off and I turned to see little man snuggled next to me. His eyes were closed, dreaming away while the sun was still considering its rise.  His blonde hair was sticking out all around his head and I smiled at how much he wiggles about at night. His lips were parted slightly and I could hear his breath; in and out it went rhymically.  His chubby legs were tucked partly under the covers and his arms laid over his head.

I stared at him for a while, taking in the sight of this sweet boy that I am blessed to call my son. A few short weeks and we will celebrate his second birthday. It is moments like this that remind me how quickly time passes and how precious these moments are.

Hug your loved ones and enjoy these moments for how wonderful they are.  💚

The music of his heart

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When I was 6 months pregnant, I attended church with my big sister. The first portion of service was filled with music that you could feel in your heart. The musicians up front sang from a place deep in their soul and it was like the instruments were an extension of their hands.  Jacob heard the music in my belly and danced like crazy. He was often wiggling about when music came on but never quite like this. He danced all around in my belly and I couldn’t help but smile, laugh and cry along with the music and him. It was like the music spoke directly to him.

Since he was born, Jacob continues to love music. He always dances when he hears a beat, wiggling his little tush or his shoulders to the music. The other day when he was bathing, he grabbed all of the containers in the tub and drummed away, the sound of drums mixing with the sound of running water.

Music captures him in a way that few other things do. It always makes me smile, seeing him react and interact with the music he hears. There is a song in his heart and his head, always.  He recently found an older guitar that has been collecting dust in our home. Previously owned by Joe’s brother, it sits in the corner of a room, alone in the world.  Jacob found it and immediately began playing. Never wanting to put ir down, he taps and strums and sings. He brings it with him across the house, singing loud with an array of words that often include “Momma”, “Daddad” and all of the other things he loves in this world.

Maybe it’s a phase.  Maybe it’s ingrained. Either way, it makes my heart smile.  My sweet boy is learning what he loves and the possibilities of what he can do with his future are endless.