30 months…

I can’t help but laugh at the title. 😁😆😂😊 My sweet boy turned two and a half last night. How is that possible?!

I remember pregnancy, though it seems like a lifetime ago. I was blessed with the opportunity to become a mommy. As someone who once said she didn’t think she’d want a child – I don’t know what I was ever thinking.

I recall laying in bed next to Joe one night and feeling something like a fish swim up my belly real quick. It was gone in an instant and took me a moment to realize that it was my sweet boy stretching out in my belly.

 I remember laying on my couch one day while Joe was at work with my hand on my belly and feeling him push against the bottom of my round belly for the first time. Thinking about that moment still brings tears.

When driving or showering or picking out clothes, I used to talk to this sweet boy in my belly. Reading him books at night, mine or his, made me incredibly happy.

The first time he went to Life.Church in Albany, my belly danced along with the music. Every song, every beat, every lyric…this little light of mine was as happy as he could possibly be. He danced throughout my belly and didn’t stop for the entire service. I’d never experienced anything like it…it was like he was singing and praising along with me. I don’t think I stopped smiling that whole day.

I had crazy back pain suddenly on the 4th of July…come to find out, it was the beginning of his entrance into this world. I woke up just an hour or two after falling asleep and was convinced I had a sudden and severe kidney infection. I was googling it while running to & from the bathroom. I woke Joe up, convinced that I needed to go to urgent care. He hesitated before asking me if I was sure that I wasn’t having contractions. Well, shoot. I sure was…and they were already 5 minutes apart.

After a long birth and the doctor saying I may need to have a c-section, my little boy arrived in this world. I held him, instantly crying with Joe in tears by my side. Jacob, the name we decided on that morning because they needed to put something on the dry erase board, was bawling his beautiful first newborn cry. Through tears, as I held him in my arms for the first time, I told him how much I love him and wished him a very happy birthday…over and over again.

The last 2 1/2 years have not been easy. Those first few weeks of adjusting were hard, breastfeeding was a struggle initially and I thought all I did was mess up. As he grew and reached new milestones, I continued to be in awe of him. Everything about him shows how amazing he is. Even in my darkest moments, both before and after cancer, this boy has always found a way to brighten my day and remind me that this life is so incredibly special. 

Yesterday, we surprised him with a Mickey Mouse guitar because we saw it on clearance while picking up a prescription and knew he would love it. His smile was instant and he hasn’t put it down. Add in new sunglasses and flip flops for vacation and Mr Cool Kid was all set. Falling asleep with both of them is a testament to how much he loves them both.

As I lay here in bed, beyond exhausted from this challenging week and in a bit of pain, I am humbled. I am reminded that this little man, this sweet boy, this rockstar, this miracle…is mine. God knew the battle that Joe & I would face and he blessed us with this amazing gift to see us through it – every moment.

Jacob has his own thought process, has an infectious giggle and a kind heart. His smile goes on for days, he loves to play with his parents and he has a fierce love for his relatives.

He is my reason for never giving up. He is the reason I will fight with all that I have in me. He is why I push myself to be a better person. This boy that I call my son…he has my heart.

Lunch with K92.3!

Today we were invited to join our local country station, K92.3, for lunch and a concert! It was in honor of people like myself who are fighting or have fought breast cancer. They treated us to a delicious lunch and a concert by Runaway June. The ladies were AMAZING and sang from the heart. It’s no wonder their recent single is making its way up the charts. They were incredibly sweet and told us it was their honor to be there today. One of the ladies, Jen, is the grand-daughter of John Wayne. How cool is that?!

We were also able to spend time with dear friends of ours that we met at the K92.3 function last year! The world seems to get smaller every time we see them too. 😉 I was even lucky to get a picture with the local morning show co-host (in pink), who put on the event.

Although the luncheon was short, we had a wonderful time with everyone and the concert was amazing!!

The music of his heart


When I was 6 months pregnant, I attended church with my big sister. The first portion of service was filled with music that you could feel in your heart. The musicians up front sang from a place deep in their soul and it was like the instruments were an extension of their hands.  Jacob heard the music in my belly and danced like crazy. He was often wiggling about when music came on but never quite like this. He danced all around in my belly and I couldn’t help but smile, laugh and cry along with the music and him. It was like the music spoke directly to him.

Since he was born, Jacob continues to love music. He always dances when he hears a beat, wiggling his little tush or his shoulders to the music. The other day when he was bathing, he grabbed all of the containers in the tub and drummed away, the sound of drums mixing with the sound of running water.

Music captures him in a way that few other things do. It always makes me smile, seeing him react and interact with the music he hears. There is a song in his heart and his head, always.  He recently found an older guitar that has been collecting dust in our home. Previously owned by Joe’s brother, it sits in the corner of a room, alone in the world.  Jacob found it and immediately began playing. Never wanting to put ir down, he taps and strums and sings. He brings it with him across the house, singing loud with an array of words that often include “Momma”, “Daddad” and all of the other things he loves in this world.

Maybe it’s a phase.  Maybe it’s ingrained. Either way, it makes my heart smile.  My sweet boy is learning what he loves and the possibilities of what he can do with his future are endless.

Just Breathe

“This song is for my wife’s best friend, as she battles breast cancer…” he said, as the band started to play.

The music traveled high up to the seats they occupied.  The light beat and guitar magic started to intensify as it filled the open room.

She glanced to her left and smiled, remembering whether or not to choose this as their wedding song. They had decided on a different song but this one always held a place close to her heart.

His smile was wide and she could feel the love through his eyes.

🎵 “Stay with me…
Oh, let’s just breathe” 🎵

He takes her hand and stands, walking away from their seats to the stairs. She follows him up a few steps, to the open area behind their section. There is no one there, just the arena around them and the music that fills the room.

🎵 “Did I say that I need you
Did I say that I want you
Oh if I didn’t I’m a fool you see
No one knows this more than me” 🎵

He takes her hands and pulls her close. Wrapping his arms around her, they begin to dance. She leans into him and inhales deeply, breathing in his sweet scent. They move to the beat of the music, spinning slowly as the world around them falls away.

🎵 “As I come clean
I wonder everyday, as I look upon your face, uh-huh
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, oh no” 🎵

He reaches for her hand again and she follows his lead as he twirls her.  She smiles wide, feeling a childlike sense of freedom, something she didn’t know she needed to feel. He pulls her in again and hugs her tight, his arms wrapped around her like they will never let go.

🎵  “Nothing you would take
Everything you gave
Hold me til I die
Meet you on the other side…”  🎵

The music begins to soften and fade away.  As the next song begins to play, they continue to dance, unaware of the world around them.