My apologies for the late post…

It’s been a long week post surgery. The surgery itself went quite well and frankly, I felt wonderful for the remainder of that day and most of the next. Then the weekend came and it was back to the insane headaches that leave me in tears in bed for days. I finally decided through gritted teeth and tear stained cheeks that it was time for a hospital trip. It’s not that I thought cancer was taking over my entire body but something has to give with the way that I’ve been feeling lately. 

Joe called my oncologist and spoke to him Sunday. As it turns out, my nurse practitioner was doing her rounds at the hospital that we were planning to go to so she was able to set up all of the admissions paperwork and initial consults for me so that there wasn’t any waiting around and I was guaranteed a bed. So, a bit of light packing later while Jacob finished a nap and we were on our way. I won’t lie, the ride there was horrible and the idea of an ambulance each way quite tempting but I thought better against it. We dropped little man off with Grandma (he was a little too quick to say good bye to us and go play) and went to check ourselves in.

We’ve only been here since Sunday night but I had my first official brain MRI with tissue expanders removed – wahoo!! I had a breast MRI when initially diagnosed to confirm tumor placement but that’s all folks. A brain MRI was exciting and nerve racking to finally have done. And guess what? It’s ALL CLEAR!!!  That’s right – I said it – ALL CLEAR!! TOTALLY STABLE FROM ANY BREAST CANCER IN MY BRAIN!! How awesome is that?! God is good, my friends. God is GOOD

Now, that doesn’t quite tell us what is causing the headaches – the horrible, debilitating headaches – but it does tell us that it’s not from a tumor in my brain. Hallelujah!
There is talk about wanting to do a spinal tap / lumbar puncture to grab a sample of the spinal fluid to be tested for infection or cancer. There is also the possibility of the headaches being a side effect of taking Afinitor or Afinitor mixed with Xeloda. So for now we are taking a break from those to see if it helps. Basically, we are trying a bit of everything to see what helps…which I’m ok with because of how unbelievable these have been!

We have received an incredible outpouring of love and support over this last week – even when folks didn’t know what was happening in our lives. We can’t thank you all enough for every drop of that LOVE!!!

Almost all of the crosses that have been ordered have already been shipped and received – I’m just LOVING the pictures showing up of them, keep them coming! Please send me a message if you think you should have received yours by now and haven’t.  💚

I’m not entirely sure when I’ll be released but I anticipate being behind on life a bit when I am out. I also know I’m behind on responding to texts, emails and messages so I am sorry already for that. I appreciate your patience as I work to get caught up, though it will take time. I feel like “relaxing” in the hospital should be just that….but it’s not. I spend the day covering my face from these insane headaches, trying different combinations of medications to to stop them, figuring out what to eat  without vomiting and trying to sleep in between. Blech.

Thank you for your continued prayers, support and love. 💚💚💚

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Ordering Meghan’s Cross

WOW!! The response to donating for Meghan’s Cross has been nothing short of amazing!!

I understand that there has been some confusion regarding how to receive one, so I updated the Give page with how to order. I’m so sorry for the confusion!

Toni & Mark are already planning to spend some time this weekend making more but in the meantime, I can ship out orders purchased this week! I’m SO excited for everyone to be sharing in the love and faith Meghan’s Cross represents. 

Keep spreading that love! 💚

Meghan’s Cross 💚

Over a year ago, a dear friend of mine handed me a gift that her husband picked out for me. It’s a cross that he made himself. I wrote about it at the time because it meant so much to me. It’s no secret that I was finding my faith again after diagnosis and that the last year of my life, it has grown even stronger. I wear the cross they gave me regularly because I love it and because it reminds me that God is by my side every step of the way – and so are my incredible friends.

See, these crosses aren’t something that they found and thought of me…they are hand made, with love – every single one of them. We enjoyed a meal together recently and at the end of it, they surprised us with an incredibly kind and generous gift. 

They wanted to help us through this journey and help with donations for all that lies ahead. So…they made us crosses to share with you. Each one is quite literally made with love by my friends, Toni & Mark. They even picked out some of my favorite verses and sayings and printed up cards to send with each cross. And if that isn’t absolutely amazing enough! They asked me to say a little something over each cross – like the favorite verse – before they mail it out. 

Looking past their unbelievable generosity, the process of making each cross simply amazes me.

First, they take a box of masonary nails. They secure them into a vice and heat them up with a torch to bend them. Next, they pair each bended nail together to make a cross.

Once paired, they use gold to weld the nails together – creating a bond between the nails and the gold that is unbreakable. Isn’t the afterglow of the brazing amazing?!  I love that these are brought to the fire in one form and made stronger at the end – with a new purpose. Just like the phoenix.

Next, a hole is drilled in the cross and a jump ring is placed for it to be hung.

Now it’s ready to be wrapped with wire around the gold and leather is used to hang the cross. The end product? 

Meghan’s Cross

When Toni & Mark shared with me that they wanted to make these amazing crosses to be sold for donations, I was immediately brought to tears. But then I saw Joe’s reaction and my heart swelled even more.

“I can’t wait for one!” He exclaimed excitedly. I smiled, “but you don’t wear necklaces?” I asked. He looked at me, eyes wide and animated, “but I can hang it from my desk or rear view mirror and always have Meghan’s Cross nearby.” ❤

If you are interested in one of these gorgeous crosses, head over to the Give page or you can mail a check. The crosses are only $15 each! That includes shipping and a few words of love said by Meghan (me!😉) over each one before it’s sent on its way. 💚

If you are local and would love one, let me know and we can arrange a pickup!

I am incredibly excited about these wonderful creations and I cannot wait to share my love for these crosses with you!

Spread the love, my friends!!

I picked up Jacob today.

It’s strange adjusting to having a tube permanently attached to my body. For some reason, they bandaged me up but left the tube dangling so it’s extra weird. I asked the nurse to tape it in place so I don’t accidently pull it (eek!). Thankfully the home nurse is coming tomorrow so I can have it rebandaged with the tube wrapped up under the bandage.

I’m sore but it seems to be getting better. Thankfully pain medicine helps, I just need to stay on top of it. I slept through a dose last night (hurray for 6 straight hours of sleep – that hasn’t happened in weeks!) and woke up super sore with the alarm clock today. Yeesh, not fun. I find myself leaning to the right to avoid pain but I try to catch myself doing that. I certainly don’t want to feel better because I’m walking around in a weird position. 😉

I have two incisions from the surgery. One has the tube coming out of it & is covered by a big bandage (so I haven’t even seen it yet) and one is stitched up but under the clear adhesive cover. Both are tender and I can’t help but yelp a little in pain when I accidentally nudge that area. My chest feels better than the pressure that I was feeling before so I’m grateful for that!  The pain isn’t from the pressure so much as the wound itself, so I’m hoping by the time the weekend is over, the pain will be gone.

I’m curious about how much fluid the nurse will remove tomorrow. They took out 1200 milileters during surgery, which is the least that they have taken out so far. But they were only supposed to take out around 1000-1500 ml with this procedure so I’m not sure if they stopped draining because the fluid was gone or because they reached the amount they are allowed to take. We shall see tomorrow morning!

Yesterday was a bit too busy for me considering it was the day after surgery. I had my monthly Xgeva shot, which took hours because of a delay with the their annual pharmacy cleaning. We left with just enough time to arrive home to meet the home health nurse. She came over to get the initial registration paperwork completed. My goodness, this took over 2 hours! She wasn’t kidding when she said there were a lot of questions. I went through the basics of medical history, medications, surgeries, etc. Then things got weird. I had to describe my escape route (I have more than one door to my home, in case you were wondering!) and how I would handle a hurricane that was coming to my area (this was a “stay” or “go” question but I had so many questions in response to the question before I could give a one word answer! 😐) The nurse was kind and we had a good laugh over the outrageous questions. She will be the nurse who comes to drain my lung too so it was nice to meet her in advance.

After she left, it was a long phone call to the equipment supply company to ensure that I had the PleurX Catheter supplies before Friday. They called when I was in surgery on Tuesday but when they spoke to Joe, they refused to place any orders while I was actually IN surgery. Apparently I had to be home first. It’s protocols like this that seem silly to me. I imagine the process is in place for a reason but the delay of a day meant that delivery had to be 1.day shipping instead of 2 day shipping. Thankfully I didn’t have to pay for the shipping but I am sure that cost is incorporated into my healthcare somewhere.

Needless to say, after all of that- I was ready for a nap! A quick nap turned into being woken up 3 hours later to Jacob being dropped off. Yikes – I guess I was tired!

So today, I was able to relax with a friend and watch movies. It was needed after the craziness of yesterday. She even made an amazing crock pot meal for us so we didn’t have to worry about dinner! ❤

And tonight. Well, tonight Jacob hung out with me while I made Valentines for school. I’d like to say he helped but he mostly just wanted to play with the string. 😋 Before we knew it, it was bedtime…and I was able to pick up Jacob. It sounds silly and it was only a couple of days that I wasn’t able to lift him but it felt like forever. And I was able to tonight. I can’t express just how exciting that is! 💗

I hope you are all enjoying your week and are excited for Friday. Have a wonderful night and keep spreading that LOVE!!! 💞

Tonight’s blessings…

As I lay in bed tonight, I cannot help but smile. Today was not easy and honestly, I left the hospital in tears over the way my discharge was handled. It was after 8pm by the time we arrived home and to say that I was exhausted would be an understatement. But as I lay here surrounded by the dark of night, I am reminded of just how blessed I truly am.

I am blessed because…

I have the most amazing husband who stands by my side and sits through surgeries and holds my hand and fills my prescriptions and helps Jacob brush his teeth and makes sure I eat and drives me around and the million other things that this man does for me because he loves me.

There is a procedure available that allows me to deal with this fluid in the comfort of my home and before it becomes painful.

My in-laws adore Jacob and are more than happy to watch him – and he loves them just as much!

We came home to a sparkling clean house, courtesy of dear friends.

I have the ability for a nurse to come to my home and help teach Joe how to drain my lungs for as long as we need.

I could feel all of the prayers, positive thoughts and good vibes today. They swirled about me and my family, touched the hands of the surgeon and his staff and are helping to ease the pain from surgery. I have the most amazing support system that lifts me up and fills my heart.

So as I fall asleep tonight, it will be with a heart full of love from the incredible blessings that I am gifted with tonight & always.

#TeamRedPhoenix

My love

Today we celebrate the day Joey was born. It’s crazy to think that we have only celebrated this day together 14 times because that doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of how much celebrating this man deserves.

When we first started dating, the path of our life together was laid out in front of us. The possibilities seemed endless and it was just a matter of choosing what we wanted to do or focus on. Whether it was buying a house and all the work that goes into it or owning only a motorcycle to get the two of us around to jobs and school or preparing to have a little person in our lives – this man has always stood by my side and never wavered. No one would ever expect that when they commit their life to another person, that it could mean having to deal with a terminal illness. Wanting to continue living your life while sharing that life with a disease that fights harder than anything you’ve experienced…it is not only exhausting mentally & physically, it is scary.
And yet this man doesn’t flinch. He continues to fight along side of me, always. He attends every appointment, asks all the right questions and cares for me whether I ask for help or not. Somewhere in the mix of all that chaos, he continues to be a father, a husband, a son, a friend- and so much more. Not only does he do all of these things, he is amazing at each and every one of them.

This man is my protector, my confidant, my comedian, my psychiatrist…he is my best friend. I can’t imagine sharing this crazy life with anyone else in the entire world.

I am feisty, irrational and weird. I have moments of insanity, complete breakdowns and tears of laughter. I cannot possibly be easy to love and yet here he is…by my side every step of the way. 

Happy birthday, my love. I love you with all of my heart. Always.

Yes, my wedding dress is in pieces.

When Joe & I interviewed photographers for our wedding, there was a key task that I wanted to ensure was included in our plan.

A Trash the Dress session.

It would be scheduled for the day after our wedding and the main purpose was the do just that – trash my wedding dress. The photographer that we chose lit up when we asked him about doing the session. He was so excited that he included the session for free. 

Many people have their dresses preserved, or want to pass it along to their family or have other plans. For me, the wedding dress and Joe’s outfit were important and certainly key to our big day but I didn’t have plans for them after that. I absolutely loved my dress- it was perfect. And the fact that I originally fell in love with it in a size 16 and bought it in a 6…well that moment of pride adds to how much that dress means to me. The session itself was incredible and some of my absolute favorite wedding pictures came from that. Even my bridesmaids got involved!

But at the end of the day, it had no purpose. I didn’t even wash it after that day (figured I’d just ruin it) and it had hung in my closet covered by the bag that it came in for the last 6+ years. I’ve toyed with doing different things with it over the years but never actually made any plans for it. Until now.

When I heard that my friend Audrey loves to sew – and is amazing at it – I knew that handing over our wedding outfits to her was exactly what needed to be done. I asked her about it, telling her that I had done some searching but hadn’t found anything that I fell in love with yet (wait…another Pinterest solution fail?!). I suggested maybe a blanket to pass along to Jacob but that I had no vision in mind and she agreed, getting excited about the possibilities. 

I handed her a bag filled with my dress and Joe’s attire folded nicely inside of it. We were standing outside of a restaurant where we had just enjoyed lunch and she looked at me. “Are you sure you want to do this?” I smiled, “Absolutely!”  I continue to get more and more excited about the blanket just thinking about the possibilities!!  Audrey even asked me what our first dance song was, so she could listen to our song while she began working on it.

I have no plan or thoughts for this blanket, I simply know that it is in the right hands.

She wrote a bit about the experience here:  Sew Sew by Audrey Perrott