Meghan’s Cross 💚

Over a year ago, a dear friend of mine handed me a gift that her husband picked out for me. It’s a cross that he made himself. I wrote about it at the time because it meant so much to me. It’s no secret that I was finding my faith again after diagnosis and that the last year of my life, it has grown even stronger. I wear the cross they gave me regularly because I love it and because it reminds me that God is by my side every step of the way – and so are my incredible friends.

See, these crosses aren’t something that they found and thought of me…they are hand made, with love – every single one of them. We enjoyed a meal together recently and at the end of it, they surprised us with an incredibly kind and generous gift. 

They wanted to help us through this journey and help with donations for all that lies ahead. So…they made us crosses to share with you. Each one is quite literally made with love by my friends, Toni & Mark. They even picked out some of my favorite verses and sayings and printed up cards to send with each cross. And if that isn’t absolutely amazing enough! They asked me to say a little something over each cross – like the favorite verse – before they mail it out. 

Looking past their unbelievable generosity, the process of making each cross simply amazes me.

First, they take a box of masonary nails. They secure them into a vice and heat them up with a torch to bend them. Next, they pair each bended nail together to make a cross.

Once paired, they use gold to weld the nails together – creating a bond between the nails and the gold that is unbreakable. Isn’t the afterglow of the brazing amazing?!  I love that these are brought to the fire in one form and made stronger at the end – with a new purpose. Just like the phoenix.

Next, a hole is drilled in the cross and a jump ring is placed for it to be hung.

Now it’s ready to be wrapped with wire around the gold and leather is used to hang the cross. The end product? 

Meghan’s Cross

When Toni & Mark shared with me that they wanted to make these amazing crosses to be sold for donations, I was immediately brought to tears. But then I saw Joe’s reaction and my heart swelled even more.

“I can’t wait for one!” He exclaimed excitedly. I smiled, “but you don’t wear necklaces?” I asked. He looked at me, eyes wide and animated, “but I can hang it from my desk or rear view mirror and always have Meghan’s Cross nearby.” ❤

If you are interested in one of these gorgeous crosses, head over to the Give page or you can mail a check. The crosses are only $15 each! That includes shipping and a few words of love said by Meghan (me!😉) over each one before it’s sent on its way. 💚

If you are local and would love one, let me know and we can arrange a pickup!

I am incredibly excited about these wonderful creations and I cannot wait to share my love for these crosses with you!

Spread the love, my friends!!

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I believe in miracles…

Do you believe in Miracles? Those astounding, unbelievable, unexplainable, absolutely incredible, dumbfounding, completely bewildering, shocking moments? Those events that you cannot explain in any way and that seem impossible?

Tonight, we are praying for one.

A miracle, by definition from dictionary.com, is “an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause”.

I know that I cannot change the results of my biopsy. My skin is what it is. And it is extremely unlikely for it to be anything but cancer. And I know that. I accepted that, weeks ago. I am moving forward and making plans and phone calls based on the fact that I have skin progression.

But.

My tumor markers were perfect when last taken two weeks ago. I have no internal progression as of Tuesday. Part of the area in question is on my prior radiation area, which avoided cancer before. So…why? I can’t help but let my mind wander to the impossible…the improbable. What if?

What if it isn’t cancer? What if it’s just a skin issue because of everything that I have been through? What if it’s part of my detox? What if…it’s just a miracle?

The waiting is the hard part. Like I said, I cannot change the results. I can just change my mindset. And tonight, I am praying that my phone call tomorrow (hopefully) will be that of inexplicable awe. I hope to hear the words “negative” and “not cancer”. I would even take a swear word or two that promotes the lack of cancer.

It is what it is and we will deal with whatever news comes our way. But I cannot help but hope and pray for a miracle tonight.

Faith in yourself

There was a moment in time where big events would be a cause of anxiety for me. Whether it was a big speech in public, meeting new people or even going to an event with friends. Eek, and forget about it if it was an interview!  More recently, it was the night before doctor’s visits that would fill me with fear and anxiety. I would stress (obsess) over the upcoming event for days ahead of time. Sometimes it was all that I could think about, especially the night before. The night that I needed a good rest in anticipation of the day head, I would lay wide awake wondering what could happen.

I have learned over the last year that all of the anxiety that I cause myself is unnecessary. I cannot control every aspect of the approaching day.  I can simply prepare myself as best as possible, get a good night of sleep and have faith in myself.  Whatever the day brings, I am brave enough to take it on, strong enough to conquer it and humble enough to appreciate what it will teach me – about the world and myself.

Rather than doubting my own abilities and fearing the worst, I am going to continue to have faith that I am on the path that I am meant to be on and doing all that I can to keep on that path.

So whatever is causing you fear or anxiety today, remember that you can – and you will – overcome it.  Whatever it is.

Be strong, friends.  And have faith in yourself.

Hope and faith

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On my last day of work before surgery, one of my office mates handed me a cross. Her husband hand made it and thought I would like it. This brought tears to my eyes for many reasons. One of those reasons is my recent visits to church. Another reason is that I do not own a cross. Our house was robbed a few years ago and most of my jewelry was taken. I had yet to replace my cross. This kind, thoughtful gift meant a lot for a lot of reasons.

I mentioned the other day that my anxiety is kicking in with my upcoming surgery. I was feeling really good about it until about a week and a half ago, when the pain in my lymph nodes and tumor started to intensify. There has been pain on and off for months, mostly around chemo days. The oncologist has assured me that, while it doesn’t always happen, it typically means the tumor is dieing.

Despite knowing this, the recent pain has unnerved me. I can feel it in my arm when I reach for something or pick up Jacob. It has created a fear in me, a fear that I have fought hard to keep at bay throughout this journey. What if the cancer is fighting harder than me? What if, despite all I have been through since August, it is spreading? What if I am losing this battle?

I have been hesitant to share this fear because I don’t want it to be true. I am hoping and praying that when my surgeon opens me up, she will find nothing but dead tissue and dead cells. I have been praying hard for this, yet the fear has remained.

At church today, there was a lot of discussion about revelation and the coming of days. It wasn’t quite the sermon I was hoping to hear, but God likes to throw a curveball sometimes. At the end of the sermon, the pastor mentioned that we need to pass our sins, our worries and our fears up to the Lord. Have I heard this dozens of times before? Yes. Is this new information?  No.  Is it what I needed to hear today? Absolutely.

So, today, I am letting go of this fear. There is, quite literally, nothing more that I can do prior to surgery.  I am letting go of my fear and my anxiety and handing it off. I feel better already.

Oh, and I am once again reminded that I truly am too blessed to complain.

Happy Sunday, folks. May your day be filled with sunshine and happiness, just like mine.