Reality

Sometimes the reality of situations we have to deal with on this Earth just simply stink. There is no sugarcoating them.  Yes, we can see the many blessings and comforts from God that happen through these situations, however those don’t necessarily take away the emotions you feel.

Here is our factual reality right now.

Meghan continues to be uncomfortable, well, let’s call it what it is….she is in pain. The doctors are doing a diligent job trying to manage her pain.  She now has a PCA (Patient-Controlled Analgesia pump)  which allows her to push a button to have a dose of pain medication released  whenever she needs it (no more than every 10 minutes) in addition to what she is getting through her  IV.  This has seemed to be helpful for her.

She will not be able to eat or drink anymore and therefore a feeding tube of some sort is needed. We made an attempt with a feeding tube that runs through her nose today.  I will spare you the details, but it was awful and did not work out the way we had hoped.  Tomorrow Meghan will start to receive some nutrition via her IV, however this will not necessarily satisfy her extreme hunger, which is concerning.  It is heartbreaking to hear her constantly ask for food and water and not be able to give it to her.

Meghan got to spend time today with her parents and sisters, which made her so happy.

And here is where it gets harder-

Yesterday Joe and I met with Hospice. We are realistic about where this situation is heading.  Our families #1 priority is for Meg to be as comfortable as possible for the rest of her time.  Once the pain management is under control and the other Pleurx Catheter is inserted, Meghan will (hopefully) get to go home and be in her own bedroom.  The thought of her being able to watch T.V. while snuggling Jacob in her bed brings a sense of peace.

One of the programs offered by the hospital provides support for families with young children. A Child Life Specialist visited today to help Joe and Meg come up with a plan for how to help Jacob cope with what is going on.  She was simply amazing.  She provided a list of activities that Meg will do (with our help) to leave a legacy behind for Jacob.  She brought toys in for him to play with while he visits.  She also brought a canvas and had Meghan make handprints on it for Jacob to have.  The idea is that Meg will come up with words of wisdom for Jacob and we will write them on the canvas.  Are you crying yet?  Whoever invented a program like this was clearly being used by God!

Again, thanks for everyone for reaching out and praying for Meghan. I don’t know how to respond when people ask how they can help.  The only thing that comes to mind is to please comfort our family.  Reach out to my mom, dad, and sisters, I know that they can use someone to talk to.  Joe’s parents have been so helpful with Jacob-please pray for strength and peace for them.

Most of all pray for peace for the Hall family.

Another Quick Update

The CT scan showed that Meghan has a large amount of fluid around her lungs, which is most likely causing the shortness of breath. Her Pleurx catheter is located on the right side, which is allowing her right lung to be drained, but not the left. Yesterday her left side was drained and they will continue to monitor the amount of fluid they need to drain on that side to determine if inserting a Pleurx catheter on the left side will be necessary as well.

Meghan has had a swallow study completed to assess why she is aspirating when she eats/drinks. The results of this showed that she will need some sort of rehabilitation before she will be able to eat or drink again. In the meantime she will need a feeding tube so that she has proper nutrition. The Palliative team came in and put a plan in place to better manage Meghan’s pain, which has been the main focus right now. They have changed/adjusted some things and we are hoping that these changes give her some relief.

Meg seemed to sleep a little better yesterday, which is good.

Again, we are so thankful for everyone praying boldly and reaching out. We let her know that everyone is praying and asking about her. I know she appreciates this. We also know that a lot of people would like to see Meghan right now. Due to her discomfort and the emphasis being on rest as much as possible, Meghan’s visitors have been limited to immediate family only. Please feel free to send messages, cards, texts, etc. I promise to let her know. Most importantly, please pray specifically for her comfort and peace.

Thank you,

Sarah

An Update

This is Sarah, Meghan’s older sister. With Meghan and Joe’s permission I am writing an update. So many people have been calling, texting, and messaging to check in on Meg-and we could not be more grateful for that. For the record, I do not have a medical background at all, and I rely heavily on my sister to translate these kinds of things. Since she is not up for the task of breaking everything down for me, I am left to write down my understanding of what is going on.

So here is where we are at:

Meghan has now been in the hospital for a full week. She was admitted last Sunday experiencing debilitating headaches that kept her in bed and unable to eat, drink, or talk. While the pain she is experiencing has not subsided, we have begun to receive some answers regarding what may be causing the headaches and other symptoms she now has. A spinal tap a couple days ago revealed that Meghan has cancer in her spinal fluid, which has traveled to her brain. The protocol for addressing this new finding is to begin radiating her entire brain every day for two weeks. This was supposed to start on Saturday (yesterday) however the development of some significant mucus and liquid in her lungs has left her unable to breathe well. Due to the fluid, lying flat for a prolonged period of time (which the radiation would require) is not something Meghan is well enough to accommodate right now.

It was hoped that Meghan would be able to have a CT scan of her lungs and Pleurx Catheter today to see what is going on in her lungs and surrounding arteries. Unfortunately her veins were not good enough and they could not get an IV in to do the CT scan. We are waiting for a PICC line to be put in tonight and will (hopefully) be heading down shortly for the scan. The doctors are thinking that she probably has pneumonia, which is causing her shortness of breath. The scan will reveal if this is true and if she has any pulmonary embolisms.

Once we receive the results of the CT, we will have a course of action to help with the lung and breathing challenges and therefore Meg will be able to begin radiation to her brain.

Meg is definitely uncomfortable. Talking is very challenging for her, although that is not stopping her from trying ! The doctors continue to work on combinations of medication to manage her pain.

Jacob and Jackson came to visit Meghan this afternoon, which put a smile on her face. Joe continues to take such wonderful care of Meghan. She is a loved woman.

My apologies for the late post…

It’s been a long week post surgery. The surgery itself went quite well and frankly, I felt wonderful for the remainder of that day and most of the next. Then the weekend came and it was back to the insane headaches that leave me in tears in bed for days. I finally decided through gritted teeth and tear stained cheeks that it was time for a hospital trip. It’s not that I thought cancer was taking over my entire body but something has to give with the way that I’ve been feeling lately. 

Joe called my oncologist and spoke to him Sunday. As it turns out, my nurse practitioner was doing her rounds at the hospital that we were planning to go to so she was able to set up all of the admissions paperwork and initial consults for me so that there wasn’t any waiting around and I was guaranteed a bed. So, a bit of light packing later while Jacob finished a nap and we were on our way. I won’t lie, the ride there was horrible and the idea of an ambulance each way quite tempting but I thought better against it. We dropped little man off with Grandma (he was a little too quick to say good bye to us and go play) and went to check ourselves in.

We’ve only been here since Sunday night but I had my first official brain MRI with tissue expanders removed – wahoo!! I had a breast MRI when initially diagnosed to confirm tumor placement but that’s all folks. A brain MRI was exciting and nerve racking to finally have done. And guess what? It’s ALL CLEAR!!!  That’s right – I said it – ALL CLEAR!! TOTALLY STABLE FROM ANY BREAST CANCER IN MY BRAIN!! How awesome is that?! God is good, my friends. God is GOOD

Now, that doesn’t quite tell us what is causing the headaches – the horrible, debilitating headaches – but it does tell us that it’s not from a tumor in my brain. Hallelujah!
There is talk about wanting to do a spinal tap / lumbar puncture to grab a sample of the spinal fluid to be tested for infection or cancer. There is also the possibility of the headaches being a side effect of taking Afinitor or Afinitor mixed with Xeloda. So for now we are taking a break from those to see if it helps. Basically, we are trying a bit of everything to see what helps…which I’m ok with because of how unbelievable these have been!

We have received an incredible outpouring of love and support over this last week – even when folks didn’t know what was happening in our lives. We can’t thank you all enough for every drop of that LOVE!!!

Almost all of the crosses that have been ordered have already been shipped and received – I’m just LOVING the pictures showing up of them, keep them coming! Please send me a message if you think you should have received yours by now and haven’t.  💚

I’m not entirely sure when I’ll be released but I anticipate being behind on life a bit when I am out. I also know I’m behind on responding to texts, emails and messages so I am sorry already for that. I appreciate your patience as I work to get caught up, though it will take time. I feel like “relaxing” in the hospital should be just that….but it’s not. I spend the day covering my face from these insane headaches, trying different combinations of medications to to stop them, figuring out what to eat  without vomiting and trying to sleep in between. Blech.

Thank you for your continued prayers, support and love. 💚💚💚

Ordering Meghan’s Cross

WOW!! The response to donating for Meghan’s Cross has been nothing short of amazing!!

I understand that there has been some confusion regarding how to receive one, so I updated the Give page with how to order. I’m so sorry for the confusion!

Toni & Mark are already planning to spend some time this weekend making more but in the meantime, I can ship out orders purchased this week! I’m SO excited for everyone to be sharing in the love and faith Meghan’s Cross represents. 

Keep spreading that love! 💚

Meghan’s Cross 💚

Over a year ago, a dear friend of mine handed me a gift that her husband picked out for me. It’s a cross that he made himself. I wrote about it at the time because it meant so much to me. It’s no secret that I was finding my faith again after diagnosis and that the last year of my life, it has grown even stronger. I wear the cross they gave me regularly because I love it and because it reminds me that God is by my side every step of the way – and so are my incredible friends.

See, these crosses aren’t something that they found and thought of me…they are hand made, with love – every single one of them. We enjoyed a meal together recently and at the end of it, they surprised us with an incredibly kind and generous gift. 

They wanted to help us through this journey and help with donations for all that lies ahead. So…they made us crosses to share with you. Each one is quite literally made with love by my friends, Toni & Mark. They even picked out some of my favorite verses and sayings and printed up cards to send with each cross. And if that isn’t absolutely amazing enough! They asked me to say a little something over each cross – like the favorite verse – before they mail it out. 

Looking past their unbelievable generosity, the process of making each cross simply amazes me.

First, they take a box of masonary nails. They secure them into a vice and heat them up with a torch to bend them. Next, they pair each bended nail together to make a cross.

Once paired, they use gold to weld the nails together – creating a bond between the nails and the gold that is unbreakable. Isn’t the afterglow of the brazing amazing?!  I love that these are brought to the fire in one form and made stronger at the end – with a new purpose. Just like the phoenix.

Next, a hole is drilled in the cross and a jump ring is placed for it to be hung.

Now it’s ready to be wrapped with wire around the gold and leather is used to hang the cross. The end product? 

Meghan’s Cross

When Toni & Mark shared with me that they wanted to make these amazing crosses to be sold for donations, I was immediately brought to tears. But then I saw Joe’s reaction and my heart swelled even more.

“I can’t wait for one!” He exclaimed excitedly. I smiled, “but you don’t wear necklaces?” I asked. He looked at me, eyes wide and animated, “but I can hang it from my desk or rear view mirror and always have Meghan’s Cross nearby.” ❤

If you are interested in one of these gorgeous crosses, head over to the Give page or you can mail a check. The crosses are only $15 each! That includes shipping and a few words of love said by Meghan (me!😉) over each one before it’s sent on its way. 💚

If you are local and would love one, let me know and we can arrange a pickup!

I am incredibly excited about these wonderful creations and I cannot wait to share my love for these crosses with you!

Spread the love, my friends!!

“I will bring you butterflies”

Every year for the week of Valentine’s Day, Jacob’s school has a Heart Art Sale. All the kids in school create a special piece of artwork (thanks to the amazing teachers!) and the art goes for sale to the parents for $5 each. As part of this sale, the kids learn about what philanthropy means and the proceeds are donated to a charity.

This year, Jacob’s school surprised us in a BIG way. They decided to donate all of the proceeds from the Heart Art sale to the Rallying for Red Phoenix fundraiser! They even bought Jacob’s artwork for us!  As if that isn’t enough to make me cry, an anonymous donor asked to match all of the proceeds from the sale. Wow. There are no words to express how this has made us feel. His school made us promise not to use the money towards any adulting – just something FUN for our family. They even suggested a weekend away at the beach – how perfect does that sound?!

Throughout this entire week, the school celebrated Spirit Week. They wore a different color each day and learned what it means to be a philanthropist. They have spent the whole week decorating the school with all of the art they have been working on this week, as the Heart Art artwork pieces are sold.

On Thursday, we picked up Jacob to find that the entire lobby was decorated as the Red Phoenix Beach! Each classroom chose a different piece of beach themed art to make and each child created their own masterpiece. They took all of these amazing pieces of art and created a beach – just for me. And wow, is it incredible.  The imagination, the vision and the depth of dreams that these children have is amazing. Truly amazing.

Then there was today. The color of the day was green and it was Red Phoenix Day!  Everyone wore green – many even wore a Red Phoenix shirt! Walking into the school today, I couldn’t help but smile with tear filled eyes. Seeing the incredible beach pictures, the art work made by all of the different classes and everyone – kids, parents & children – wearing GREEN…for me. Every time I thanked someone they responded by telling me that they should be thanking me, for being an inspiration to them. I’m just me. It’s you all that are so amazing.

Picking up Jacob tonight, the director stopped to tell us that she had a surprise for us and to stop on the way out. After picking up little man from the playground, we headed back to the lobby. There, the director came out of her office with a jar and two books.

The Jar.  She shared that the jar is a Love Jar for us, from all the kids in the school. It is filled with paper that is cut into the shape of mason jars and each child in the school decorated their own jar with their fingerprints or drawings or hearts or words just for us. The title of this post? One of the awesome jars I found in there.

The Beach Book. They made “Our Beach Book For Ms Meghan”. It’s filled with beach scenes, made with love. There are beach chairs, boats, fish, sharks, crabs, palm trees, lots of sand and the sun too. It’s…perfect.

The Book. All of the teachers and directors of the school wrote messages to Jacob in the book, “Mama, Will You Hold My Hand?” by Anna Pignataro. I was told to be ready for tears from the book but I imagine many will be from the notes to Jacob also. ❤

Amazing. As I hugged each of these incredible women, I couldn’t help but wonder how we ever became lucky enough to find this school. Not only do they adore Jacob and treat him like their own, they are unbelievably kind to us as well.  They are a part of our family and a reminder of just how blessed we are.

We are truly too blessed to complain. 💗