She sipped her coffee slowly, aware that it is a luxury she does not indulge in very often now. The air was cool, which was a pleasant change from the overwhelming heat a week ago. A light breeze blew in through the open windows. She had lit just about every candle that she could find in the house. Despite the competing scents, there was just something about the cool air and windows open that required candles to be lit.
Staring out the window, she couldn’t help but reflect on this very moment. Multiple notebooks were in front of her and she had set out to make a list of the things that needed to be done. There’s the cancer list that includes records she hasn’t obtained, phone calls she hasn’t made and people she needs to follow up with. There’s the list of everyday tasks, including groceries and air filter changes. There’s a list of things that need to be decluttered in preparation for a potential home sale. There’s a list of items that might sell and a list for items to donate.
Then there’s a list of occasions that she wants to write to her son, in case she isn’t here to tell him how proud she is. There’s a list of things that she cares for in the home that she will need to share with her husband, so that he knows the passwords, the days that she pays certain bills and the regular appointments that need scheduling. There’s a list of things that she wants to accomplish before she doesn’t feel up to doing them anymore.
But in this moment, right now, the lists don’t matter. All is quiet. No one is home and a light breeze is coming through the open windows. As she sips her coffee and stares at the notebooks, she clicks her pen over and over again. The smell of cinnamon and pine fills her nose as the candle flickering in front of her steals her attention. She watches the light from the flame as it dances about, unaware of the woman mesmerized by it. The puddle of wax under the flame was clear, a stark contrast to the orange-red flame just above it. It moved about despite the silence, dancing to its own beat.
So that’s what she did. Leaving behind her notebooks and lists and pens, she walked away from them all to sit in front of the open window and watch the world. Even if just for a moment, all was calm around her as she stared out the window. The wind blew the trees with astonishing strength, the cat prowled across the grass chasing the lizards that hid amongst the blades and the cars seemed to move in slow motion as they passed her house without a second glance.
She leaned back in her chair and breathed in deeply to smell the sweet, fall aroma of the candles and the cool air. For just this moment, all was tranquil, still…peaceful.