When I was a teenager, I worked with my dad attending all of the local fairs & festivals to sell cajun food. I spent most of my weekends that way and met a ton of people. It was a lot of fun! One particular event, it was cold & rainy. We kept the coffee brewing and sold it like crazy as a way for people to keep warm. I hadn’t drank much coffee before and decided to indulge in a cup or two.
Before I knew it, I had downed half a pot and the caffeine was kicking it. I was out and about in front of our booth giving away samples of our delicious cajun food, enticing people to come eat. It worked, though it may have had something to do with my excitement and the fact that I had then downed a pot of coffee by myself. Despite the rain, the day was fun and we packed up and headed home.
By the time we arrived home, the caffeine had worn off and I was borderline miserable. I had a wicked headache and had a hard time sleeping because of all the coffee from earlier. I spent the evening quite unhappy with my caffeine withdrawals and promised myself not to do it again.
Over the last decade or so, I’ve come to rely on coffee. It’s a regular thing for me and expected each morning. I used to “have” to have it flavored, then sugar and milk, then just milk and eventually black. Though my taste buds changed, my love for coffee did not. Earlier this year I even switched to organic and fair trade certified. Even when I was pregnant, I switched to half-caffeine instead of completely giving up.
The day of my brain surgery, I decided to give up coffee. I figured, it’s become something that I rely on and shouldn’t need to. I also figured that I would have headaches from surgery so the time to give it up was then.
So, that was that. Two month ago today, I enjoyed my last mug of coffee as I sat in the waiting room for my head CT – completely unaware that I was savoring the last bits of coffee. I won’t pretend it’s been easy, the first week or so post surgery was hard because of the habits that your are forced to break, like making coffee first thing every morning. It’s become a non-issue for me in general though, because I no longer think of it as a “must-have” like I used to. And for that, I am grateful.
These last few days, well weeks, I have been exhausted. Like, I could sleep all day if I wanted to exhausted. Complete change from my steroid induced insomnia! The last few days had me contemplating coffee again, though the type of tired I feel, I’m not sure coffee could touch. I visited my oncologist’s office yesterday and had my blood counts checked. Turns out my white blood cells, hemoglobin and hemocratic are all quite low. We are hoping that it is because I am on my last few days of Xeloda before taking a week break. I’ll be rechecked next week. If my numbers don’t improve, they’ll want to do a transfusion but hopefully it’s just a matter of needing a few days off the chemo for my counts to recover!
At least I’m not completely crazy and there is a reason for my total exhaustion. 😉😎