I will rise again.

I have been thinking all weekend about how to break this news to the world. I joked to my sister that it is my attempt at breaking the internet. Around this time last year, I was scheduling an appointment with my gynecologist because the lump in my left breast had not gone away and my lymph nodes were becoming painful. Soon after, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma that was HER2+. We had a plan in place that would result in me being cancer free and able to move on with my life. This past Friday, everything changed.

My cancer has returned. It has spread to my right axillary (armpit) lymph nodes, my right clavicle and neck lymph nodes, the lymph nodes in the center of chest, the skin on my chest and the bones in my butt. This is considered a distant spread, or metastasis, and I am now Stage 4. We are awaiting tests to confirm, however it is believed that the HER2+ protein in my cancer was removed with surgery and that I am likely triple negative now. This is an aggressive form of breast cancer and frankly, it is a game changer.

We do not yet know the path forward. We are awaiting the call from the Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa in the hopes that they can take my case on and put together a treatment plan that will give me time with my family. We will also be pursuing other centers to review options. While my prognosis is not ideal and it is something that we hoped we would never have to face, it is the reality and we are reacting to that reality.

This has been a challenging weekend for my family. We have cried more tears than I thought possible. I enjoyed more wine than I care to admit. I hugged my family a lot. I enjoyed time with family and friends. My husband and I had conversations that we should never have to have in our young lives. I cried some more.

Don’t misunderstand me. I am not giving up. I don’t think that I have it in me to ever give up. On my family? On little man? On life itself? Never. The reality of our situation is painful and it sucks and quite frankly I hate it. But, I had my pity party this weekend and it is now over. Today is a new day. Today, we face reality while having faith in our future together, regardless of how limited it may be. Today, my family and I rally together. We will put together a plan for us to enjoy each other, the world and every moment that we have together. Today, we make memories and embrace each other.

This weekend, I heard a recurring phrase. It is one that is not lost on me and that I keep repeating over and over again in my head…

I am Red Phoenix. I will rise again. I am not alone.

Advertisements

34 thoughts on “I will rise again.

  1. You are not alone, my sweet friend. You just moved to the top of my prayer list. I can hardly see to type for my tears. You are in great hands w/God, Dr. Reynolds & Natalie. Oh my friend, I just don’t have the words. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Meg,

    I only met you briefly however I feel like I know you. I read your blogs and listen to your mom tell stories. I’m not sure if you know but my mom passed at the very young age of 25, leaving behind my sister and myself. Because of this I feel a very strong connection to you. You are in my prayers and thoughts daily. If I can do anything please let me know. You are a very strong woman and I k ow that you will fight this…and win.

    Paulette

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am saddened by this news, yet grateful you do have time to find resources and cherish your family and friends. You are right. You are a fighter. Nothing less would I expect from a wonderful mother, great wife and thoughtful relative and friend like you. This too is part of your journey. You are an example of grace for everyone eager to learn through your experience. May God bless you and yours!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Your courage is admirable. Your outlook is inspiring. I will share your story with others for I believe in the power of prayer. My heart is heavy. You are NOT alone. Much love and prayers! Always.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Laura Perales reached out to her Facebook friends for prayers for your family, and though I do not know you, I will pray every day for you, your family, and your recovery! There are just no words, but your outlook and your strength shines through in this blog, thank you for sharing, God Bless.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. My beautiful, beautiful friend…there really are no words. I am devastated to read your post this morning. Heartbroken does not even come close. How can this be? HOW CAN THIS BE?

    My love and thoughts are with you and your family.x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You’re brave, strong, & fearless. I think & pray for you daily. I admire your strength & grace thru this difficult time. Hope you all decide to take the trip to Sloan Kettering. 💚💚💚

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I don’t know if this will let you click to open it but if not cut and paste at some point to listen.

    My name is Amanda. We’ve never met but I’ve had the privilege to know and love your sister Sarah. She is hands down one of my most wonderful friends. I can’t even imagine having her as a sister too!!! There aren’t enough words to describe the depths of her love for you…I’m sure I’m not telling you something you don’t already know tho 🙂
    I was with her after she found out your recent results. I felt so unequipped at first…what do I say?… what do I do?…We sat. Plenty of tears shed with periods of comforting silence in between. In the background we hear Jackson and my Jordie laughing and banging away as they played downstairs. It’s amazing that in these difficult moments, the same noises that have the potential to make our heads spin, are actually the most beautiful and comforting noises ever.
    I love your motto moving forward. “Make memories and embrace each other.” Embrace each other is just what we did. Jack routinely came out to check on his mom. Got her some water, dished out more hugs, and stated…”If you need me, just call me mom”…Jordan would follow behind and give Sarah squeezes too.
    When we initially hear stuff like this our go to can so easily be fear, doubt, anger…I admire your courage “to have faith in your future” and most importantly have faith in God who loves you and your family so very much. I want you to know that I’m praying bodly alongside your family and believing in miracles. I pray you never doubt Gods love for you or His plans for you. I pray you continue to embrace the moments right in front of you with the people you love, not fearing what the next day could be. I pray you trust God with your sweet little boy and I pray that your courage would be contagious. That it would be impossible for it not to changes the lives of the people around you.
    The song in the link above will forever remind me of you, your sister, and this journey. The song brings me to tears and at the same time fills me with hope and joy…
    Thy will be done.
    Know that HE is good even when it doesn’t feel good.
    Know that HE hears you
    Know that HE loves you
    HE is FOR you and not against you
    His plans are good. His plans bring people together.
    Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

    Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

    Thanks for helping me appreciate my today a bit more too…
    Amanda

    Like

    1. Ohhh Amanda, I have not yet listened to the video because little man is sleeping next to me but you have brought me to tears. I don’t know what the moments following my news meant to others and you have provided such incredible insight. I have faith that everything will work out the way that it is meant to. In the meantime, I will enjoy the life that I am blessed to have. 💚💚💚 Thank you!

      Like

  9. Hey there
    I’m Amy, I am Sofi’s aunt. I LOVE the logo… much more in tune with the fierceness I hear in your story… a pink ribbon alone would just not do it justice. I live in NC and prayed for you when she first shared your story. It hits home to me because I was diagnosed when my youngest son was almost 1. For reason’s I don’t understand, I have been in remission for 15 years and it is when I hear stories like yours that I am reminded that every day if a gift given by a loving God. So maybe I should quit griping about water bills and car pool and be thankful for every moment I have to love others well. I know I don’t understand all that you are going through upon hearing this latest diagnosis, but I will continue to pray for you and your family. I listened to Amanda’s video and I was encouraged I hope the same will happen for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dear Meg,

    This is Sofia’s mom. We met you and your family when Caelen was born. Your little man was so adorable! Sofia and I usually text day and night but rarely phone because we are always so busy. She called me today. I knew it was something serious. My heart fell when I heard the latest update. She asked that I start a prayer chain for you and your family which I did. I thought of my sister Amy who was diagnosed with breast cancer when her youngest of 4 was a baby and remember how encouraged I was by her faith and trust in the in the Lord. Sofia’s dad and I will be down next week and hope to see you and pray with you and the family. I admire your courage and the trust you have in God.

    Amal

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s