Today was exhausting. It wasn’t so much the going back to work part as it was having a jam packed day starting at 6am and ending now. When I came home from work, I immediately changed into comfy clothes and removed my bra. I instantly felt a sense of relief and thought to myself the worst part of today was having to wear that bra all day! I have always felt better removing a bra at the end of the day but have enjoyed not wearing one recently, except for a few occasions. So today was a long day, paired with a silicone implant and irritated skin, and I was ready to take it off the moment that I put it on.
But then tonight, I had my standard routine of showering before bed and as I applied my regimen of Miaderm, Calendula Oil and a steroid cream to my radiated skin, I noticed something odd on my fingers. I looked closer and noticed it was dead skin. Examining my skin further, I saw that the area in my armpit was starting to peel. This is to be expected, as far as I understand, but it took me by surprise. Aside from some redness, itching and aching I haven’t had significant changes from the radiation yet (we’ll set aside the fatigue for now). As I stood there staring for a moment, I was reminded about everything that my body is experiencing right now – the trauma that it continues to go through despite me trying to begin a “new norm” today. Setting aside the urge to pick at it further (yes, I am one of those), I began to wonder about what the next two weeks of radiation will do to my skin. And one of the hardest parts about this moment, is that I didn’t really feel it.
Have you ever had a horrible sunburn? One that aches for days and itches before peeling but also hurts to itch? I’ve had a few of those myself. Since surgery, I haven’t had feeling in certain areas, including my left armpit. So seeing the peeling today without feeling the pain of the “sunburn” beforehand was a bit of a surprise. Maybe it shouldn’t have been. Maybe I thought it wouldn’t start just yet. Maybe I have just been going through the motions of radiation, hoping for the best. Either way, as I looked at it I thought, maybe this is the hardest part of today?
Then I heard a giggle and looked down to see Jacob brushing his hair with a toothbrush. I couldn’t help but laugh! And all is right in the world, peeling skin or not. 💗