The worst part of today

Today was exhausting. It wasn’t so much the going back to work part as it was having a jam packed day starting at 6am and ending now.  When I came home from work, I immediately changed into comfy clothes and removed my bra. I instantly felt a sense of relief and thought to myself the worst part of today was having to wear that bra all day!  I have always felt better removing a bra at the end of the day but have enjoyed not wearing one recently, except for a few occasions. So today was a long day, paired with a silicone implant and irritated skin, and I was ready to take it off the moment that I put it on.

But then tonight, I had my standard routine of showering before bed and as I applied my regimen of Miaderm, Calendula Oil and a steroid cream to my radiated skin, I noticed something odd on my fingers. I looked closer and noticed it was dead skin. Examining my skin further, I saw that the area in my armpit was starting to peel. This is to be expected, as far as I understand, but it took me by surprise. Aside from some redness, itching and aching I haven’t had significant changes from the radiation yet (we’ll set aside the fatigue for now).  As I stood there staring for a moment, I was reminded about everything that my body is experiencing right now – the trauma that it continues to go through despite me trying to begin a “new norm” today.   Setting aside the urge to pick at it further (yes, I am one of those), I began to wonder about what the next two weeks of radiation will do to my skin.  And one of the hardest parts about this moment, is that I didn’t really feel it.

Have you ever had a horrible sunburn? One that aches for days and itches before peeling but also hurts to itch? I’ve had a few of those myself. Since surgery, I haven’t had feeling in certain areas, including my left armpit.  So seeing the peeling today without feeling the pain of the “sunburn” beforehand was a bit of a surprise. Maybe it shouldn’t have been. Maybe I thought it wouldn’t start just yet. Maybe I have just been going through the motions of radiation, hoping for the best. Either way, as I looked at it I thought, maybe this is the hardest part of today?

Then I heard a giggle and looked down to see Jacob brushing his hair with a toothbrush. I couldn’t help but laugh! And all is right in the world, peeling skin or not.  💗


2 thoughts on “The worst part of today

  1. My skin started peeling on Sunday. I thought I was going to miss out! Itching was intense on Saturday even with steroid cream. I’ll see Dr H this afternoon.

    Be patient with yourself returning to work. Glad your little guy puts a big smile on your face while you make your way down new roads of your journey. ā¤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ugh, sorry to hear that! The itching is pretty intense for me too, even with the cream. Crazy how the body works with all of this! Good luck with your appt today, I hope you feel better!

      Thanks, he sure does help things! šŸ’—


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