This week has been odd. I didn’t have a ton of appointments like usual. I made sure that there wasn’t a whole lot to do since I thought that I was starting radiation and wasn’t sure how I would feel, especially driving to and from the appointment every day. It’s not crazy far but considering the entire appointment should be less than 30 minutes, the 45 minute each way ride seems like a lot.
So, I spent the week somewhere in between not really being sure what to do with my time and feeling like I could do about 100 things a day. I was able to get some things done and yet I was still able to rest when I needed to. I was starting to get a little antsy but also feeling guilty for having a few days to just…be.
When sharing this thought with one of my very best friends since forever, she replied with a reminder that I have been through a lot this year and that it’s ok to take some time to relax. She also reminded me that it was only a few short weeks ago that I beat cancer. It helped to hear that and know that it’s ok.
So today, I went to the beach. With me, myself and I. I indulged in a sweet treat outside while watching the water, the clouds and the sun. I people watched while the spring breakers chatted all around me. I sat out by the water and stuck my feet in the sand. I walked the ocean and felt the cool waves on my feet. I read my book, wrote a little and chatted with the fisherman who setup next to me.
But mostly, I just was. I let my mind settle while the wind drifted away with my thoughts. And although I missed my boys hanging out beside me, the day was wonderful, peaceful, freeing.
My happy place. It was exactly what I needed before tomorrow’s treatment.