Following dreams

After the car accident, I wrote to my home church in New York and shared what happened. I don’t remember all that I wrote but I do recall saying “I don’t know what God has planned for me but I know that I survived for a reason.” I don’t know why I felt that way but I knew in my heart that it was true. Whatever reason and whatever happened from that point forward, I knew God had a vision.

The pastor wrote me back and, as it turned out, he had gone to school with a pastor local to where I lived at the time. I immediately began attending the church and loved it. I felt at home again, like I had at the church I previously attended.

As time passed, my attendance waivered and eventually stopped. I am not proud of that but it is true. I think part of me was angry because of everything that had happened and I was struggling to make sense of it.

Last June, my brother-in-law asked that, for his birthday, I attend church 3 times. I agreed and started by watching church online while searching for a new church to attend. Soon after, my journey towards diagnosis began and I didn’t attend the three as I had promised. It weighed heavily on my mind and I was determined to eventually attend.

Today, which is oddly enough my sister’s birthday, I attended church. It was a fulfilling moment for me emotionally and it was food for my soul. I am once again reminded that I have a purpose in this life, whether I know what it is or not. In the car, I found my mind wandering to my post about MIB3 and the journey that I am on. I wonder about this version of life that I live and the decisions that I have made along the way to get to where I am. I am again humbled by the thought that I would not change any of my past decisions because they have led me to where I am today.

But I have had a thought. A thought that I ponder frequently. I wonder if this is the version of life that I have because God needed an extreme measure for me to refocus and listen to what is in my heart. Because of my diagnosis, I am filled with a purpose and drive that I have not felt in a long time. I am determined to fulfil my dreams and aspirations and to live a life that betters my family.

I can’t help but wonder if this new found purpose is because I ignored God’s plan for me previously or because I wasn’t following my dreams. These dreams aren’t outrageous in nature but they are simply what I hold in my heart as accomplishments that I want to achieve in my life. I am reminded of the importance of fulfilling my own dreams, so that I can demonstrate to little man how vital that is.

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