WARNING: This post contains excessive usage of exclamation points.
For this blog, there are days when I know exactly what I want to type and it flows freely from my fingertips. Other days I know the point that I want to make but have a hard time expressing it. Other days I write an entire blog post in my head and either forget to post it, run out of time or decide it isn’t worthy of a post. Then there are days like today, when I can’t type fast enough.
I had my checkup with the oncologist today, where we discussed this last treatment round. We chatted about the side effects, how I was feeling, the importance of rest and how my dear husband is handling everything. I asked lots of questions, and learned a bunch, about the logistics of the next stages of treatment. I even scheduled an appointment with the surgeon for the beginning of January!
When it came time for the clinical exam, the Nurse Practitioner (we switch weeks between her and the oncologist) asked, as she always does, whether or not I thought the tumor was shrinking.
Me: Well, maybe?
Me: I feel like, I want to say yes but just a little bit of yes. Like, I feel like it’s smaller but I can’t tell if it’s my mind playing tricks on me or if it really is shrinking.
NP: (Laughs again) I know you probably come in here like, please don’t tell me it isn’t!
Me: (Laughing – I love her!) I want to say yes, it is, but I can’t be sure so I’m hoping you’ll tell me I’m not imagining it!
NP: (Does exam) Meghan, it’s ½ a cm smaller than last visit! And it’s very moveable too.
Me: kljsdflkjadsl;kfja;kfjsdwuernsdf!!! I feel like maybe my lymph nodes went down a little too?
NP: (Examines lymph nodes, eyes get big) Oh yeah, these are much smaller – way smaller. (Smiles wide) And they are very moveable, showing no attachment to the anterior wall. This is great news!
MY TUMOR IS SHRINKING!!! And my lymph nodes!!!
Oh my, does that bring tears to my eyes. We have been at a stand-still, cancer and I, for the last 2 treatments and I’m beginning to win this tug-of-war once again! It’s about 2cm now, more than half the size of the original 4.2 cm size. Not quite the 1/3 of the original size that I was thinking but I’ll take it!
And who knows, maybe I’m cancer free completely right now and it’s just some scar tissue or dead cells working their way out. (wink)
Today is a great day, my friends. A GREAT day! I wish I hugged her.