The pain of progress

Throughout my life, I have taken up running a few times. I developed a love for running in middle school, thanks to the after school cross country team. I tend to run in spurts, taking it up for a few weeks at a time and then stopping for various reasons – a cold, a vacation or something else in life. Running has always been therapeutic for me. I way to clear my head and think through things going on in my life – whether work or personal.

Whenever I ran, I looked forward to the pain in my muscles as I progressed. I would wake up the day after a run and feel the soreness when I walked, sat down or stood up. I loved it because it made me feel like progress was being made. That progress motivated me to keep going; keep pushing.

Last week, my lymph nodes started hurting. My tumor had hurt after treatment previously but I hadn’t felt my lymph nodes hurt consistently since before I was diagnosed, when they hurt because the cancer was taking them over. Feeling this pain again was scary at first, until I thought – wait, it is working!

At my checkup with the oncologist this week, I shared that my lymph nodes had been hurting pretty consistently and that I thought it was a good sign. My oncologist looked me in the eye and smiled wide.

“We don’t expect anyone to tell us that it hurts. But it is a good sign. It is great news.”

My oncologist could feel the difference in size in my lymph nodes and my tumor and the look on his face said it all. The cancer is dying. I am winning. I wouldn’t be surprised if, after my upcoming treatment, I can’t even feel my tumor anymore.

How awesome is that?!

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